This summer I have been gone attending to some much needed domestic details. Knowing how much I generally do not like cleaning (yet I demand in my mind a clean house). Children moves to university and the struggle to have college age children is hard even with a father at home.
The father (who lives in MI) of my adult college age children and I have been trying to work together to facilitate the smooth transition to college amidst some bumps in the road. I feel so much gratitude that I have a father of my children in the picture to weigh in on things. As you might imagine, the reason why we don’t always agree on what is best for our children might be one of the reasons we are not together.
We had a tire-blowing bump in the road this afternoon. Clearly I am not spilling the beans and all can be picked up…but let me just say the power of having a father in the life of your children is HUGE. I mean this is HUGE even if you never want to be with him again and cannot believe how you were there in the first place.
This post is not about judgement…it is about what I believe and am now finding the research to be true!!
Women are special! We just are! We have a power when we are genetically born a woman to create a life with a cis-gendered man.
Dads are awesome!! Dads who change diapers and bring crying babies to their mothers in the middle of the night…more awesome. Those dads who share the weight of the partnership with the mother of their children…even more awesome.
But enter into 2017…I have noticed so many Dads who are staying home while their wives work just on my street. Dads who walk up the street with a toddler on their shoulders while they hold hands with a Pre-K or Kindergarten child on their way to and from school each day. This is surely and experience that the children involved will never forget! Witnessing fathers assuming a nurturing role with their children is powerful and no longer considered non-traditional in this era of two parents working outside of the home.
If you have a chance to shop during the day, Dads with an infant or toddler are frequent. Sometimes a hesitant dad will ask if a melon is ripe enough or ask your opinion on marinara sauce. Sorry Mr. Dad. If you ask me your question, I am giving you the briefest answer because I am more interested in waving to your child and taking delight in their response and I get a chance to share mirror neurons with the little one!
I love little children. Today at church I was able to greet parents with their beautiful little girl, born prematurely. She was sitting on her father’s lap and enjoying the small bites of cake her mother was putting in her mouth, with her chubby thighs and arms complete with dimples and rings around her wrists. I have often seen this little girl in her father’s arms during weekly services.
I have been studying the work of Allan Schore related to the Modern Day Attachment Theory. Shore’s research shows that attachment is at the root of empathy. Dr. Schore believes that attachment between an infant and its primary caregiver (generally the mother) begins in the third trimester and continues on throughout the first one thousand days of a child’s life!!
We now know that the roots of attachment are formed in the right brain and in fact, in our infants and year old children, it is only the right brain (emotions) which is online at that time. This is why those “serve and return” actions we all do with babies are so important in the baby’s developing sense of security and self. During the child’s second year of life, the left brain (more linear) begins to come on line. As the left brain develops, both sides of the brain begin to integrate and the brain learns to function as a whole. Our babies use their five senses to learn and explore their world and to determine who and what are safe, as babies are literally wired to survive. All that eat, poop and sleep stuff? Our brains our hard-wired to do that and in fact our literal survival depends upon us being successful at it!
This means that the infant can hear the voice of the mother and experience what the mother experiences whether it is good or bad while mom is pregnant. The video I am going to share with you also shows that an infant in utero can hear the voice of their father!!!
This is so cool!!! It is a wow! Look at how this baby is wired to recognize her father’s voice at just minutes old!!!
Here is the videographer Dad being able to twice calm his minutes old daughter with his voice. But the amazing part: watching Portland open her eyes and search in the direction of Michael Jr. and his voice….
Touching and so cool. Never underestimate the power of a Father and his ability to know what is best for you!